Hi! My name is Isaac Privett and here I am getting out into the world, exploring new things, and establishing the identity I will have for the rest of my life. I am starting this blog to inform people about the trials and tribulations of growing up in todays world and making decisions that will affect me for years to come.

:: Wednesday, March 12, 2003 ::

Religious Satire

OK this is comming from a different kind of source. I frequent a few video game message boards and this is comming from a topis that was posted. I thought it was a very interesting and ammusing religious satire. Anyway here is the link that I got it from Graffe's Wizard Compilation. Here is the text:

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

"Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss his ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, he'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, he'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shakedown?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do what ever wants, and what he wants is to give you a million dollars, but he can't until you kiss his ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has he given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no, you don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and he kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think he'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.' "

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass he'll kick the shit of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to him, get the details straight from him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss his ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow him a kiss, and think of his ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss his ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl's got a letter Hank sent him years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for your self."

John handed me a photocopy of a handwritten memo on "From the desk of Karl" letterhead. There were eleven items listed:

From the desk of: KARL

1. Kiss Hank's ass and he'll give you a million dollars when you leave town. 2. Use alcohol in moderation. 3. Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you. 4. Eat right. 5. Hank dictated this list himself. 6. The moon is made of green cheese.

7. Everything Hank says is right. 8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.

9. Don't drink. 10. Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments. 11. Kiss Hank's ass or he'll kick the shit out of you.

Me: "This would appear to be written on Karl's Letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago he would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said he was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hanks says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't Drink,' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from outer of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon came from the Earth has been discounted. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Aha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 5 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic. That's no different from saying 'Hank's right because he says he's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking!"

Me: "But... oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary looks positively stricken.

John: (yelling) "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary sticks her fingers in her ears: "I am not listening to this. La la la la la la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary faints.

John: "Well, if I knew you where one of those, I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you, I'll be there counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.

:: American-N-Canada 11:36 PM [+] ::
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Religion

Religion is everywhere. A very large amount of the world's population has some form of religion or another and it makes me wonder what makes people feel the need to belong to a certain religious sect. Why do so many people think that they need to believe the same as a certain group of people? I have thought about this question a bit and I have been unable to come up with an answer. Religion seems to bring people close together and that maybe the reason for some people's desire to join a religion.

Most religions contain some supposed "higher truth" which answers the question to exactly what happens after we die. Some believe that we go and spend eternity with the one Supreme Being. Some believe that we are reincarnated into animal form. Others believe that we are reincarnated back into another human form and in which we live another lifetime. Which of these is it? There are many other religions that believe many other things that have to do with the afterlife and it makes you wonder which one is actually correct. Sadly enough I do not have an answer to this question and it seems science is not yet able to prove what happens when you die. I belong to my religion and of course I believe that it is the "right" one, but like many I have wondered if it truly can tell me what will happen when I die. This fascination of what happens after you die is the key to religion.

Everyone knows that they will die some day. Some, sadly, will die sooner than others. It is this uncertainty of the time of death is what drives people into fanatical religious beliefs. They get so wrapped up about worrying about dying tomorrow that they forget to live today. The fanatics live like it is their last moment on earth and that if they do what their religion tells them to do; they will be rewarded in the afterlife. If they don't die today then they live tomorrow like they are certain to die. They can possibly spend 18250 days (50 years) or more living this way in a fanatical religious torrent. First of all, I don't think that is a healthy way to live. Always thinking you are going to die tomorrow can't be good for you. Also I kind of feel sorry for all those people that the fanatics have bothered by trying to press their religion on them. That has the potential to be a lot of people.

Anyway, if you have any insights in religion that are your or even if you would like to share someone else’s please share. Religion of all sorts really intrigues me and I like to read other people's take on things.

:: American-N-Canada 11:27 PM [+] ::
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Liberal Land

In this place I am very nevous. I have found it to be a very dangerous place lately. Now that the vicious snow plows are in temporary hibernation, I have noticed another foul best that roams these lands. Liberals... There are liberals everywhere here since this is a liberal arts college and they really are starting to get on my nerves. They all have no war sentiments and I don't have a problem with that really. I wish they would really come up with some good reasons of feeling this way. They all hate Bush. I haven't yet met one person who likes him or thinks he is doing a decent job. They all blame him for the economy being low and say he is going to bring the country to ruins. I am one of those people who won't dislike someone just because what party they belong to. I would at least wait until they did something that gave me a reason to not like them. He has done a decent job so far.

I was also having a conversation with a few guys over dinner last night and they said that the only way to fix the problems we have now is to revolt and make all information public. They said that it can't just happen in a single nation either. It has to happen globally. This got a few agreements for the table and I was shocked that anyone would agree with the guy. I asked how he proposed that we do such a thing since people can never seem to agree on something simple. Let alone a global revolution. He looked at me and said, "I don't know. It just has to happen." Why should I waste my time listening to such crap? The bulk of the aguments here are along the same lines.

I have also got annoyed at how much liberals seem to jump at the chance of a protest. They don't even care what the cause is anymore. They hear about the protest and go running. They need to learn that protests don't seem to do any good. Several million people protested the war against Iraq worldwide and that didn't do one thing. The politicians will do what they think is right not the protesters. A liberal gets cut in front of in the lunch line and what do they do? They unfold a cardboard sign and do a hunger strike in protest. Then they wonder why everyone won't join them while they stand at the picket line watching everyone else eat.

I know that I am stereotyping in a big way when I say these things about liberals, but from my experience here, school full of liberals, has been mostly the same. There have been a few people here that haven't fallen along these lines, but the majority I have just decribed. When I ask myself where I stand politicly, I am unable to answer. I believe what I believe and don't believe such because that is only what I was spoon fed. It has been an interesting experience here so far atleast and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I just find this mass of liberal people to be rather silly.
:: American-N-Canada 9:44 PM [+] ::
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